(We don't know where we'll end up ... but we're all starting at single.)

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Introducing: The Pool Boy

Hi There,

I am the pool boy, but I am also well seasoned so I am also the wizard. This game of online dating is a trip isn't it? If there is one constant in this adventure, it is that nothing stays the same. We change as we meet and venture new emotions with new people, and everyone else is doing the same thing. We are victims and opportunists of our past and we are all wondering what the future will bring.  If you are starting at single, I invite you to join the rest of us, and take a shot at this online dating thing. To hell with opinions, to hell with stereotypes, and to hell with waiting for what you want to come to you. I cordially invite you to live life on purpose and go out there and find what you want.

This is my introduction so I will not delve too deep in this go around. As the pool boy, I am a tentative dater. As my description says, I let the opportunities come to me, I value what others think, and I play by the rules. If I tried harder, maybe I would find what I am really looking for, but for some reason the motivation never comes. As for online dating, I know what I am doing and I rely on my high level of empathy to tell me what is going on in these online dating situations. I will share what has worked, and what hasn't. I will tell you how I have failed miserably, and how I have shown promise. I cannot tell you how I have succeeded because I too am starting at single.

In 2005 I was living in Minneapolis, and I was on match.com in its infancy. The interface was not too good, and the photo limit was like 3, and the file size was like 60K. Needless to say, what you saw in the pictures was not really what showed up to meet you. I was at a happy hour with a bunch of colleagues at an Irish Pub called The Local. This girl showed up, and all kidding and shallowness aside, she was a far better fit for an offensive lineman than I was. I was shocked, because that was not what her profile showed at all. As I play by the rules, I excused myself from my wide-eyed set of colleagues and offered her a drink. I told her that it was nice of  her to meet me, but that I was not interested. She left with her friends and that was the last I ever saw of her.

My first and foremost point is, you can be no one other than yourself. No one else in the universe was picked to be you, but you. So be you, and stand proud. Sure, we all have things we want to work on, emotionally, mentally, and physically. But if there is one thing I have learned over the years, its that you truly have no idea what you really want. You have to experience to know it. An online profile exists merely to allow one to decide if who and what they are viewing possesses traits that are a deal breaker or not. So when you write your profile, be yourself. Only the true you will be able to insight true passion in anyone else, and only you will be able to reach a state where you are satisfied by what you have found in someone else. Everything else may create something that lasts awhile, but it will not sustain you for life. Trust yourself, whether or not you can put it into words, you know what you want.

More to come my friends. Stay tuned, and welcome  to Starting at Single.


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