(We don't know where we'll end up ... but we're all starting at single.)

Monday, April 29, 2013

The RN: Second Chances

After writing about Late Guy, I realized I needed to do something about how irritated I was at him. Was this falling apart? Did we just have different things in mind? Would he ever have the nerve to get past kissing? And did I even want to get past kissing?

I have realized I have always been on the fence about Late Guy. I like him, but I'm starting to see  I don't like him that way. How did I come to this conclusion? Well, let me tell you about the last few weeks.

After the last dating post (as opposed to makeup post), I was annoyed because Late Guy seemed unable to moved past kissing. And because we were usually making out in cars. Go read the intro again, I'm not a teenager - making out in cars does not appeal to me! So I decided to give him one more second chance to see how things went.

I had told him I could go out on a Thursday night, but then The Peach said the only night we could get together for dinner was Thursday. So, for her, I shuffled Late Guy to Friday night. Of course, he was ecstatic to have a Friday night. Listen, I like to save my weekends for my friends. I have lots of friends and I don't need more things clogging up my weekends. This already gives you an idea of where Late Guy ranks on the list. As a note, CT a) has gotten me for a entire week before and b) has totally gotten Friday nights since he moved here.

Anyway Late Guy finally planned a good date and had a plan to get us closer. After we did some golf thing where you hit balls off the second story of building into a netted area full of holes; don't ask me what it was, but it was surprisingly fun. Then he took me to see Evil Dead. Points for him for having a plan to get me to touch him. Points away from him for complaining that a) my grip was hurting his hand and b) my other hand kind of hurt his bicep when I got even more freaked out. Hey, horror films aren't good for my blood pressure. Oh, and I scream out loud during them. Duh, what were you expecting? That was sort of his plan.

Only he didn't quite get that right either. It wasn't bad, but even guys at work who were routing for Late Guy were like, "WTF? That's not how to do it!" So Late Guy's perhaps a little taller than me, by, like, over a foot. Yeah, he's 14 inches taller than me. Which made it a little less awkward when he just held my hand instead of actually put his arm around me; I could literally hide behind his arm. Still, he could have taken better advantage. Holding hands only gives him the option of "accidentally" brushing my boob instead of pulling the dangling hand maneuver. You know something this:

But maybe with a little more class. Regardless, he didn't even try to put his arm around me. So awkward. And who complains about girl grabbing on to them in scary movie? Whatever, I can't even get worked up over it because at least he was trying. At the "end" of the night, he drove me back to my car (seriously, pick a girl up) and we were kissing in his car, shocking I know.

And I thought to myself, "If you grab anything, fuck, if you even try to grab anything, you can have another chance. If this ends in kissing in a car again, I'm done." Then just as I'm about to give up completely ... he actually made a move! So, I gave him his second chance. And things ... progressed, but not as far as he probably would have liked. And now, I think it might have been better if he had just chickened out or if I had the guts to end it before this date. Not that I regret doing anything with him, except, well, it seems to have given him the idea that we are somehow in "a real relationship". Ugh.

So, the straw that finally broke the camel's back for Late Guy was a concert. He jumped right in the other day with "So, what are you doing.labor day weekend?" Um, WHAT!?!?! That is 5 MONTHS from now. Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me?

There are so many things wrong with that as an opening line to a conversation.
  • Why on God's green earth do people think it's okay to not use capital letters?
    • I usually forgive the beginning of sentences, but the "labor day" thing really annoyed me.
    • It's also possible that I'm just nit picking because I'm tired of this guy.
  • Why are you using a period for a space in the middle that sentence?
    • Learn to use your phone!
  • This is not a start to conversation unless you are extremely familiar with each other!
    • Even an awkward "Hey sexy" would have been better.
  • Did I not just say something last week about not being ready for serious?
    • Yes, I realize I didn't say it in the context of the two of us, but the none the less it was said. Out loud. Directly to him.
  • Seriously, why do you think we are at the advanced planning stage?
Then it just keeps getting better. Normally I visit family on Labor Day. They all live more than 2000 miles away and Labor Day is usually a four day weekend for me. So that means I can cross time zones and have a few real days with family without having to use any vacation at work. I told Late Guy I usually visit family, but didn't completely shut him down. He then invites me to a 2 day concert in another state for Saturday and Sunday. This completely ruins any chance I would be able to see my family if I went to the concert.

So right away I'm annoyed. First, can't this guy come up with anything to do that doesn't involve me riding in a car to another state with him? But again, I give him (yet another) second chance and ask about the concert. He gave me the wrong name so when I try to look it up I can't find anything about it. Then it takes him a couple hours to get me a link to the concert. When I finally get the link, there's only 2 bands I've heard of, well one more if you count one song I downloaded because my friends were singing it. Of the two I'm familiar with, I really only like one and then not even that much. Also, this is the only act he chose to make fun of while inviting me to the concert.

At this point I'm almost starting to feel bad for him; I mean how much can he mess up one invite? The bands seem to be just off mainstream Top 40 to me. Here's thing though, I don't listen to Top 40. I mean I've heard some of the songs - it's not like I live in a cave. But it's not what I choose to listen to. Also Late Guy never asked me what I liked to listen to, he just assumed I like Top 40. That annoys me to no end. I don't mind Top 40, but it's not who I am. On my dating profile it said, "Music: I plead the fifth." This should be an indication I don't listen to Top 40. My music collection is pretty eclectic, but to give you a good of what I like to listen to, my most played song on my iPod (by about 25%) is a Patty Loveless song from 1991.

After all of that ruckus, he asks me what I think about going to this concert. I tell him I can't go, I'm visiting family. Then the real kicker, he asks me why I can't go. Didn't I just give you a nice safe reason? But no, he wants to know if it's because I don't think we'll be seeing each other in September. Well of course that's the reason! Don't you see how much of struggle this whole thing has been? Wait, you don't because I'm not the one making it awkward. Damn it. So I don't really want to say it's because there's no chance this is lasting that long, and I chicken out and say it's not really my kind of music. Which is 100% true, but it's also the safe answer.

So, I'm not really sure how I'm planning on getting out of this "relationship" (gag me with a spoon). But it seems pretty clear he wants things that I'm completely not interested in having right now. And that means I have to "break up" with him. I hate doing that.

While I'm talking to The Window Shopper about this whole thing and the following exchange takes place while discussing me having to end it with Late Guy:

TWS: guuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl
run away
The RN makes scruntchy face.
The RN: yeah this is way starting to sound like serious dating :(
TWS: oh ya think?
gimme his number.
i'll tell him what's what
The RN: lol
TWS: run. away
The RN: yeah, getting there
why is that so hard for me?
it's like disappointing them is more important than what I want
TWS: stop
stop whatever you are saying and reread this
it's like disappointing them is more important than what I want
The RN: I know
I don't understand why I do that to myself
am I just too nice to guys?
TWS: yes

There you have it. I know exactly what I want to do, but I am too worried about hurting his feelings to really want to do anything about it. Yep this is me:

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

The RN: The Makeup Experiment

So, a couple of weeks ago,  The Window Shopper and The Dirty Little Secret took me to buy some makeup. Then last weekend  The Window Shopper and I finally got around to the makeup lesson, after a crazy, fun, last-minute shopping spree. She showed me a couple basic ways to put on the makeup we bought. One for work and daytime, and one for clubs and nighttime. Then she made me put it on both ways to try it out. Most of the night I walked around looking something like this:

Only I think I had even more on the night half than the picture. Also, I learned pretty quickly that eyeliner and I are going to be fighting for a while, but I did commit to wearing makeup all week. Definitely can see part of why most girls take so long to get ready.

On Monday, putting on the makeup seemed to take forever, but I think I got the daytime look pretty close to what I did during the lesson. I'm not sure I know what I was expecting, but I know I wasn't expecting so many people to notice. It started as soon as I walked into work. The front desk guy asked if I got my eyebrows done. Seriously, who would have thought a guy would notice eyebrows?!?

At least 10 people commented on it on Monday. I think that means it's noticeable :(

Tuesday was a little smoother and it went on faster. A few more people noticed it and commented on it looking nice. Traitors. All of them. Wednesday was more of the same as Monday and Tuesday. I was beginning to think I was going to have to admit defeat.

And then a funny thing happen on Thursday. People started tweaking their comments a little bit. Instead of, "Wow, you look great." I started getting, "You know that makeup looks really nice, but you don't need to wear it." I must have heard that from 5 people on Thursday. Hm...

For the first 4 days, I avoided trying eyeliner. On the fifth day I wasn't supposed to have to go work (but I did have to go in anyway - damn job). So since I didn't go in until the afternoon, I decided to give eyeliner a try. It turned out okay, but I was still having issues getting it on straight. I guess I'll to keep practicing.

On Saturday, I got up at 5am and ran a 10 Miler race with The Window Shopper, The Dirty Little Secret, and The Slow Dancer. I clearly refused to wear makeup just to run a race. However, later in the afternoon The Pool Boy's Local Alumni Chapter was hosting a bar crawl, so I did some more practice with the eyeliner and managed to make my makeup look like his school colors. Which made The Dirty Little Secret a little jealous since she's an actual alumni as well and totally forgot to do school colors for her makeup. Counting that as a win :)

Then on Sunday afternoon The Window Shopper, The Dirty Little Secret, and I went out again - yeah we spend a lot of time together, deal with it. I decide since it was Sunday afternoon I could do whatever I wanted with my makeup and deliberately used stuff from the makeup bag that I hadn't used before. I'm not convinced the look worked, but whatever it was Sunday.

So after a week of wearing makeup I have come to the following conclusions: 1) that it involves a lot of face soap, 2) that it takes a lot of time, 3) that I really don't need it, 4) it has more impact when used infrequently, 5) there's no way I'm committing to doing this everyday, and 6) I'll wear it on days I'm in the mood, but I probably won't wear as much or wear it as often as some people would expect.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

The RN: Catching Up - Jerry Maguire Style

Last we talked about dating I was seeing 3 guys: CT, BG, and Late Guy. We'll get to that in a minute. So according to The Window Shopper, The Dirty Little SecretThe PeachThe Slow DancerThe Playboy, and possibly some other, non-blogging friends perhaps I was being a little bitchy, you know from like December to mid-March. At one point, The Peach said, "What the hell is wrong with you? You are way bitchier than normal!" Um, so, I was a little moody, perhaps not quite a stand-up-for-the-little-guy-all-inspiring-rampage a la Jerry Macguire, but still very noticeable to my friends. I'm currently chalking it up to needing more Vitamin D and a bad case of the winter blues.

CT and Late Guy largely missed this phase because, well CT was in CT and Late Guy was on a lot of business travel and was basically MIA. Don't get me wrong, I was annoyed at both of them, but since they weren't Johnny-on-the-Spot they missed the storm. Lucky them, apparently. BG wasn't quite so lucky and he became a casualty of the bitchiness.

He didn't really do anything wrong per se, but I was short tempered and cranky. Basically it boiled down to he was only getting it from me and I wasn't only getting it from him. Not only was I up front about not looking for anything serious, but I was also up front about me seeing other guys. Which he claimed he didn't have a problem with. However, I felt like I spent a lot of time soothing his ego. Which, frankly, got old really fast. If you can't handle it then fine, but don't pretend you can and then get all whiny - it's not attractive.

The last time we saw each other was ... in January. He kept pressuring me to see him, you know, because he wanted to get laid. I was working crazy hours, was exhausted, and in a generally bad mood. So, he wanted to come over one night and I didn't really want him to, but agreed to it anyway after he promised to bring me food. Hey, a girl's gotta eat. And then he kept petting me while I was trying to eat. Like. I. Was. A. Cat. Not kidding! My roommates have nicknamed him The Petter. It felt a little like this:

Only I think that cat is actually enjoying the petting. I wasn't. It was in the LIVING ROOM and my roommates were there and we were trying to watch a movie. Dear Lord! Also, I was exhausted and cranky. He was following me around quite a bit and sort surprise kissed me (did I mention tired and cranky?). Then of all the things to say after surprise kissing me, "Your mouth is spicy." No shit, Sherlock. I had Drunken Noodles for dinner, remember you brought it to me? (Also, seriously? Just kissing me after I had some kind-of-spicy food is too spicy for you? Really?!?!?) And then he tried to take care of me like I was a little kid, just because I was tired. That was the final straw - patience completely and totally lost. BG gets cut.

Yeah. I. Did. Done.

So, it's February, CT and Late Guy are both still managing to hang in there. And I started taking Vitamin D on a daily basis so my mood was getting better. I went on a ski trip to Snow Shoe - awesome place by the way. And after we got back, The Window Shopper and I went out for Valentine's Day in our annual tradition of seeing a non-romantic movie and getting some food. CT and Late Guy both managed to sneak through that holiday without messing up, although Late Guy came close.

That brings me to my dilemma with our so-called Late Guy. I think I'm pretty open minded and fair when comes to giving "you" a chance. I'm an engineer; I'm a nerd; I'm used to your ... eccentricities. For the most part. I didn't judge you by your pictures - remember I didn't look at them until after I read your profile. I really am trying to give you a fair shot, I promise. So, as Jerry Maguire would say, "Help me help you." Give me a chance to give you a chance.

Late Guy and I went on our first date in mid September. So technically we have been seeing each other for like 7 months. It hasn't gotten past kissing. "WHAT!?!?" you ask. Yeah, I KNOW. But here's the thing: he's awkward. Like really awkward. So, awkward my engineer friends are cringing at the stuff he does. First, it took him 5 dates to kiss me, that's a little slow. And there is this dichotomy to him. He seems very shy in person and then sends me crazy emails about fetishes and texts that are just weird.  Here's a smattering of texts I think are off. Now keep in mind in person we've only kissed:
  • Rofl, well some night maybe I can warm you up.
  • So I forgot today is steak and a bj day! (men's Valentines). But since we didn't [do] anything for lady v day, I'll not inquire for today haha
  • So hey sexy, wanna go out next week?
  • I'd certainly like to watch you try on clothes, or just take them off
  • So, what would you like to do for our next date, besides have a lot of amazing sex?
  • Hey sexy, what are you wearing for the fine weather
  • I don't want to have sex with you, happy April's fools 8-p
Oh, and my favorite, he invited me to attend an out-of-town wedding with him. Like a 4-hours-out-of-town wedding. Like an overnight-stay-will-be-involved-out-of-town wedding. When I tried to politely decline via text a day later, his response was, "It's because I'm getting laid off huh?" Um, no, I had no idea you were getting laid off, great way to bring it up though. NOT!

So, even with these texts he hasn't been able to move passed kissing. I find that frustrating. Make a move or don't, but stop having guts only when we're not together. I feel like I'm in a ping pong match of intentions. I have no idea what to expect next. Mostly, I think he's about to get relegated to the "friend zone" because, while I like talking to him in general, this back and forth on the topic of making out is making me a little crazy.

I just want him to give me a chance to give him a chance. Stop meeting out places, I've had you drop me off. Pick me up more than once. When you drop me off, walk me to my door. I may be a 21st Century women, but don't make me feel like a slut. If you walk me to my door I might invite you in, but I'm not inviting you in from the car you haven't parked. That's too big of step, it makes me feel like you're not interested in taking the time on me. I'm not 17 anymore, making out in a car holds very little interest for me, especially if my bedroom is just over there. This is NOT happening:

If you want something to happen, get me into a situation where I can give you a chance without feeling like I have to convince you. Again, don't make me feel like a slut, I will just move on to someone who doesn't. Several guys have gotten way farther with me with what seems like a lot less effort - because I could say yes without feeling like I had to make the first move. Don't invite yourself into my bed, entice me into yours. Help me help you.