The RN: Catching Up - Jerry Maguire Style

Last we talked about dating I was seeing 3 guys: CT, BG, and Late Guy. We'll get to that in a minute. So according to The Window Shopper, The Dirty Little Secret, The Peach, The Slow Dancer, The Playboy, and possibly some other, non-blogging friends perhaps I was being a little bitchy, you know from like December to mid-March. At one point, The Peach said, "What the hell is wrong with you? You are way bitchier than normal!" Um, so, I was a little moody, perhaps not quite a stand-up-for-the-little-guy-all-inspiring-rampage a la Jerry Macguire, but still very noticeable to my friends. I'm currently chalking it up to needing more Vitamin D and a bad case of the winter blues.

CT and Late Guy largely missed this phase because, well CT was in CT and Late Guy was on a lot of business travel and was basically MIA. Don't get me wrong, I was annoyed at both of them, but since they weren't Johnny-on-the-Spot they missed the storm. Lucky them, apparently. BG wasn't quite so lucky and he became a casualty of the bitchiness.

He didn't really do anything wrong per se, but I was short tempered and cranky. Basically it boiled down to he was only getting it from me and I wasn't only getting it from him. Not only was I up front about not looking for anything serious, but I was also up front about me seeing other guys. Which he claimed he didn't have a problem with. However, I felt like I spent a lot of time soothing his ego. Which, frankly, got old really fast. If you can't handle it then fine, but don't pretend you can and then get all whiny - it's not attractive.

The last time we saw each other was ... in January. He kept pressuring me to see him, you know, because he wanted to get laid. I was working crazy hours, was exhausted, and in a generally bad mood. So, he wanted to come over one night and I didn't really want him to, but agreed to it anyway after he promised to bring me food. Hey, a girl's gotta eat. And then he kept petting me while I was trying to eat. Like. I. Was. A. Cat. Not kidding! My roommates have nicknamed him The Petter. It felt a little like this:

Only I think that cat is actually enjoying the petting. I wasn't. It was in the LIVING ROOM and my roommates were there and we were trying to watch a movie. Dear Lord! Also, I was exhausted and cranky. He was following me around quite a bit and sort surprise kissed me (did I mention tired and cranky?). Then of all the things to say after surprise kissing me, "Your mouth is spicy." No shit, Sherlock. I had Drunken Noodles for dinner, remember you brought it to me? (Also, seriously? Just kissing me after I had some kind-of-spicy food is too spicy for you? Really?!?!?) And then he tried to take care of me like I was a little kid, just because I was tired. That was the final straw - patience completely and totally lost. BG gets cut.

Yeah. I. Did. Done.

So, it's February, CT and Late Guy are both still managing to hang in there. And I started taking Vitamin D on a daily basis so my mood was getting better. I went on a ski trip to Snow Shoe - awesome place by the way. And after we got back, The Window Shopper and I went out for Valentine's Day in our annual tradition of seeing a non-romantic movie and getting some food. CT and Late Guy both managed to sneak through that holiday without messing up, although Late Guy came close.

That brings me to my dilemma with our so-called Late Guy. I think I'm pretty open minded and fair when comes to giving "you" a chance. I'm an engineer; I'm a nerd; I'm used to your ... eccentricities. For the most part. I didn't judge you by your pictures - remember I didn't look at them until after I read your profile. I really am trying to give you a fair shot, I promise. So, as Jerry Maguire would say, "Help me help you." Give me a chance to give you a chance.

Late Guy and I went on our first date in mid September. So technically we have been seeing each other for like 7 months. It hasn't gotten past kissing. "WHAT!?!?" you ask. Yeah, I KNOW. But here's the thing: he's awkward. Like really awkward. So, awkward my engineer friends are cringing at the stuff he does. First, it took him 5 dates to kiss me, that's a little slow. And there is this dichotomy to him. He seems very shy in person and then sends me crazy emails about fetishes and texts that are just weird.  Here's a smattering of texts I think are off. Now keep in mind in person we've only kissed:

• Rofl, well some night maybe I can warm you up.
• So I forgot today is steak and a bj day! (men's Valentines). But since we didn't [do] anything for lady v day, I'll not inquire for today haha
• So hey sexy, wanna go out next week?
• I'd certainly like to watch you try on clothes, or just take them off
• So, what would you like to do for our next date, besides have a lot of amazing sex?
• Hey sexy, what are you wearing for the fine weather
• I don't want to have sex with you, happy April's fools 8-p

Oh, and my favorite, he invited me to attend an out-of-town wedding with him. Like a 4-hours-out-of-town wedding. Like an overnight-stay-will-be-involved-out-of-town wedding. When I tried to politely decline via text a day later, his response was, "It's because I'm getting laid off huh?" Um, no, I had no idea you were getting laid off, great way to bring it up though. NOT!

So, even with these texts he hasn't been able to move passed kissing. I find that frustrating. Make a move or don't, but stop having guts only when we're not together. I feel like I'm in a ping pong match of intentions. I have no idea what to expect next. Mostly, I think he's about to get relegated to the "friend zone" because, while I like talking to him in general, this back and forth on the topic of making out is making me a little crazy.

I just want him to give me a chance to give him a chance. Stop meeting out places, I've had you drop me off. Pick me up more than once. When you drop me off, walk me to my door. I may be a 21st Century women, but don't make me feel like a slut. If you walk me to my door I might invite you in, but I'm not inviting you in from the car you haven't parked. That's too big of step, it makes me feel like you're not interested in taking the time on me. I'm not 17 anymore, making out in a car holds very little interest for me, especially if my bedroom is just over there. This is NOT happening:

If you want something to happen, get me into a situation where I can give you a chance without feeling like I have to convince you. Again, don't make me feel like a slut, I will just move on to someone who doesn't. Several guys have gotten way farther with me with what seems like a lot less effort - because I could say yes without feeling like I had to make the first move. Don't invite yourself into my bed, entice me into yours. Help me help you.

The RN: Not enough Time by a Half

Seeing as it's been a while since anyone has posted, I thought I'd give you all a quick non-dating related update. Several of us, about half, recently ran in a Half Marathon. So half of us have been busy training for a Half and haven't had a lot of extra time. Either for dating or for blogging.

Runner	Time
The Dirty Little Secret	1:58:21
The Peach1	2:11:34
The Window Shopper2	2:25:37
The Slow Dancer3	2:33:11
The Nurse	3:09:28

And if that wasn't enough, The Playboy and The Dirty Little Secret are relaying in another Half which The Window Shopper and I are running in next month. Hopefully, I can get my time under 3 hours before the next one. Yep, we are all pretty much crazy.

And some of us are crazier than normal. Here's a list of preexisting injuries that some people ran through:

1. The Peach ran with her foot broken in two places from the Tuesday before.
2. The Window Shopper ran with a sprained ankle from the weekend before.
3. The Slow Dancer ran with Runner's Knee in both knees.

And yet some how they all finished before I did. At least I'm only half crazy.

Introducing: The Playboy

Hello world. I'm a brother, guncle, GBF, bestie, and most recently have been dubbed "The Playboy". I must say "The Playboy" seems kind of fitting given that I'm the only gay male of the group. I don't know if I would consider myself a playboy these days, but if you knew me 10-12 year ago, I was definitely living the life of a twenty-something gay playboy.

Now for some back story...I was born on the west coast (too young to remember). I spent my adolescent and young adult years in South Carolina with a few stops in North Carolina and Georgia during my pre-pubescent years. I spent my pre-high school years as the "teacher's pet" and the "cool white boy nerd" that everybody liked. I was fortunate to not be that nerd that everyone picked on. I had an afro and spectacles which I ditched the first chance I got freshman year. Freshman year was also the year that I gained resounding popularity through sports, ROTC, and numerous other student organizations. Insert long list of pre-baccalaureate accomplishments. 

A lot of people ask me when I first knew I was gay. If you must know his name was Dean and we had gone to school together since 5th grade. It wasn't until high school that I began to realize that there were certain "feelings" there, although, I did not know what the were at the time. He was a football player and ironically enough, I was a cheerleader. Every girl wanted to date him and every guy wanted to be him. One summer day during cheerleading practice, he ran into our practice session - shirt off and dripping with sweat. Even though I spent all four years of high school dating girls, breaking hearts, stealing girls from their boyfriends, etc.; that will always be the moment I knew I was gay.

College was a time of exploration, experimentation, random hookups, and the occasional threesome. During my freshman year I struggled with my identity. Online chat was a great way to connect with others like myself and "test the waters". I came out to my family and friends during my Sophomore year and the rest is history. I joined the local LGBT group on campus to meet friends and my social life took off. I also became a Resident Advisor in hopes that I would make a difference by mentoring others like myself who aspired to do great things academically.

Coming out was not as hard as most people think it to be given that I grew up in the south. I kind of lucked out in the family department. They are my biggest supporters and encourage me to be the best me I can be. My mother and sister of course replied, "Duh...it's about time." I always felt comfortable introducing my boyfriends to the family. I know for most of you that's a huge step, but for me it's more of formality. My family is an integral part of my life and I need to know that potential husbands can charm their socks off!

Dating in a large,transient city like DC is intimidating. Add in the fact that I'm a gay male and it's like hormone overload. Everyone wants to have fun and not be tied down. Don't get me wrong, I like to act on my urges. However, there comes a point when it all gets old. I've slept with people not knowing their name. I've danced and drank until my heart's content. I went to Southern Decadence in New Orleans, twice. For those of you who don't know, Southern Decadence is basically a gay Mardi Gras combined with every white party, red party, or any other circuit party you can think of. It's 3 days of alcohol, dancing, casual sex, and debauchery. I threw in some touristy things as well! Nowadays it's all about connecting with people and hopefully meeting someone that is worthy of spending and sharing my life with.

My last few relationships took a devastating toll on my life. In the last 4 years, I've attempted suicide 3 times with the latest attempt landing me in the hospital and subsequently the psychiatric ward. Like a lot of you, I suffer from a lack of self-esteem. For me, hearing the words, "you did nothing wrong," is gut-wrenching. I couldn't see how someone could say that I did nothing wrong and leave you without an explanation. I've spent every month since then successfully focusing on my career, education, friendships, family, happiness, developing plans for my future, and learning how to take things as they come. I'm finally in a that place where when I meet the ideal partner will seamlessly fit into my life and I, his.

Introductions

Window Shopper here, President and staple hopeless romantic of the bunch. I'm here to introduce our Book Club...which isn't really a book club at all. You see, a couple of weeks ago, my friends and I were sitting around on a typical hungover Sunday after a typical night out in DC when someone had their OkCupid account open. I have never done online dating and said as recently as last month that I "never" would; honestly it didn't interest me and it is not the story I want. However, scrolling through my friends' accounts, everyone seemed to get a kick out of what I had to say about them all - grammatical errors and uni-brows included. Judgement-free judgement, so sue me. On my girlfriend's list of matches, a guy had this list of the "10 Most Terrible Chicks on OkCupid" and with all this adding up, I made the proclamation, that we all needed to sign up for dating accounts and start a bi-monthly "book club", wherein we sit around and talk about the most ridiculous thing to come out of OkCupid that week.

And so, apprehensive or already a member, we all typed away to join, reactivate or continue an online dating membership. Our first meeting was this past Sunday, wherein we realized that this may be as much about what's not out there, as it is about the weird ins and outs and women vs. men and do's and don't's and WTF's of dating.

We all single. And we're all here to tell you about it. We hope you'll we'll laugh and learn.

Magically, we ended up with five six girls and five guys (21 to 35) all of different "personalities", according to the OkCupid "Dating Persona Test" - which we all realized is terrifyingly accurate. Who knew flossing had anything to do with love?! These personas will be our handles as well as our introductions. Here we go:

The Sonnet (Female, 21, Straight, BS - New to Online Dating)

Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?

Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.

Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.

You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.

The Maid of Honor (Female, 25, Straight, BS - Veteran Online Dater)

Charismatic, affectionate, and terrific in relationships, you are what many guys would call a "perfect catch" and you probably have many admirers, each wishing to capture your long-term love. You're careful, extra careful, because the last thing you want is to hurt anyone. Especially some poor boy whose only crime was liking you.

We've deduced you're fully capable of a dirty fling, but you do feel that post-coital attachment after hooking up. So, conscientious person that you are, you do your best to reserve physical affection for those you respect...so you can respect yourself.

Your biggest negative is the byproduct of your careful nature: indecision. You're just as slow rejecting someone as you are accepting them.

The Slow Dancer (Male, 27, Straight, BS - New to Online Dating)

Steady, reliable, and cradling tenderly. Take a deep breath, and let it out real easy...you are The Slow Dancer. 

Your focus is love, not sex, and for your age, you have average experience. But you're a great, thoughtful guy, and your love life improves every year. There's also a powerful elimination process working in your favor: most Playboy types get stuck raising unwanted kids before you even begin settling down. The women left over will be hot and yours. Your ideal is someone intimate, intelligent, and very supportive.

While you're not exactly the life of the party, you do thrive in small groups of smart people. Your circle of friends is extra tight and it's HIGHLY likely they're just like you. You appreciate symmetry in relationships.

The Boy Next Door (Male, 27, Straight, MS - New to Online Dating)

Kind, yearning, playful, you are The Boy Next Door. You're looking for real Love, a lot like girls do. It might not be manly, but it's sweet.

We think the next three years will be very exciting and fruitful ones for you. Your spontaneous, creative side makes you a charming date, and we think you have a horny side just waiting to shine. Or glisten, rather. You enter new relationships unusually hopeful, and the first moments are especially glorious. If you've had some things not work out before, so what.

On paper, most girls would name the Boy Next Door as their ideal mate. In the real world, however, you're often passed over for more dangerous or masculine men. You're the typical "nice guy" without just a touch of cockiness, you're doomed with girls. A shoulder to cry on? Okay, sure. But never a penis to hold.

More than any other type, Boys Next Door evolve as they get older. As we said, many find true love, but some fail miserably in the search. These tarnished few grow up to be The Men Next Door, who are creepy as hell, offering back rubs to kids and what not.

The Dirty Little Secret (Female, 28, Straight, MS - Experienced Online Dater)

Innocent but fundamentally sexual, like the word "€œfinger"€. You are the Dirty Little Secret. 

Few women have the confidence for sex mastery, and among nice girls, like you, it's almost unheard of. So congratulations. You've had plenty of adventures, but you've remained a kind, thoughtful person. Your friends appreciate your exploits. They even live vicariously through you. 

You seek pleasure, but you're not irresponsible. You are organized and cautious, and you choose your lovers wisely. One, you don't like dirtbags. And two, you like to maintain control. Or at least lose it selectively. You might notice that older men single you out. They have an eye for your sensual nature. Take it as a compliment. 

You enjoy making people happy, and it's inevitable that many guys will fall harder for you than you for them. You're not completely comfortable in a serious, long-term relationship right now. Our guess is that the key to extended happiness will be finding a responsible, but kinky, mate.

The Window Shopper (Female, 28, Straight, MA - New to Online Dating)

 

Loving, hopeful, open. Likely to carry on an romance from afar. You are The Window Shopper. 

You take love as opportunities come, which can lead to a high-anxiety, but high-flying romantic life. You're a genuinely sweet person, not saccharine at all, so it's likely that the relationships you have had and will have will be happy ones. You've had a fair amount of love experience for your age, and there'll be much more to come.

Part of why we know this is that, of all female types, you are the most prone to sudden, ferocious crushes. Your results indicate that you're especially capable of obsessing over a guy you just met. Obviously, passion like this makes for an intense existence. It can also make for soul-destroying letdowns.

Your ideal match is someone who'll love you back with equal fire, and someone you've grown to love slowly. A self-involved or pessimistic man is especially bad. Though you're drawn to them, avoid artists at all costs.

The Playboy (Male, 30, Gay, BA - Veteran)

Clean. Smooth. Successful. You're The Playboy.

You're spontaneous, and your energy is highly contagious. Guys therefore find you fun to be around, and girls find you compelling. You have lots of sex, and you manage it all without seeming cheap or being hurtful. Well done. You probably know karate, too.

It's obvious to us, and probably everyone else, that you're after physical rather than emotional relationships, but you're straight up with potential partners. And if a guy you want isn't into something casual, it's no big deal. You move on. BEFORE sleeping with him. Usually. At least you try to. Such control is rare.

If you're feeling unfulfilled, maybe you should raise your standards. New conquests will only be satisfying if there's a possibility of rejection.

The Poolboy (Male, 32, Straight, MA - Veteran)

Friendly and eager. You are The Pool Boy.

A teen at heart, you anxiously move about your daily tasks, hoping, praying for a good, instant lay. You're carefree, enthusiastic, and rarely discouraged. Love is cool, but it's not for you right now. You know what is? Crotches.

You're a fun person in both big and small groups, and your friends trust and love you. Inside you, meanwhile, your lust is only growing. Imagine your beating heart sprouting pubic hair. Exactly. Try shaving that.

If you're not scoring enough - which you aren't - €”you should adopt new strategies. Lower your standards. Be aggressive. Pool Boys are often submissive and hope (desperately) sex will find them. Realize that passiveness will not hook the horny girls you desire. A bolder approach and sheer repetition will.

The Nurse (Female, 34, Straight, MS - New to Online Dating)

Friendly and eager. Sexy in white. You are The Nurse.

Like your male counterpart, The Poolboy, you're a fun and goofy, but giving, friend. You believe that life and love should be taken with a grain of salt. We'll bet you smile a lot, which people find contagious.

If only they knew the reason...the fact is, you spend WAY more time fantasizing than the average girl. While your friends lean desperately towards love, you're chemically biased towards anti-love: sex. You'd never date someone you didn't find immediately kissable.

To maximize satisfaction, you should find someone carefree and sexual, just like you. Avoid Brutal types at all costs. A final bit of advice: experience doesn't matter. You didn't qualify as a Master, and your perfect match need not either.

The Peach (Female, 34, Straight, MS - Veteran)

Playful, kind, and well-loved, you are The Peach.

For such a warm-hearted, generous person, you're surprisingly experienced in both love and sex. We credit your spontaneous side; you tend to live in the moment, and you don't get bogged down by inhibitions like most women your age. If you see something wonderful, you confidently embrace it.

You are a fun flirt and an instant sweetheart, but our guess is you're becoming more selective about long-term love. It's getting tougher for you to become permanently attached; and a [guy] who's in a different place emotionally might misunderstand your early enthusiasm. You can wreck someone simply by enjoying [him].

Your ideal mate is adventurous and giving, like you. But not overly intense.

The Gentleman (Male, 35, Straight, MA - Veteran)

Steady & mature. You are The Gentleman.

For anyone looking for an even-keeled, considerate lover, you're their man. You're sophisticated. You know what you want both in a relationship and outside of it. You have a substantial romantic side, and you're experienced enough sexually to handle yourself in that arena, too. Your future relationships will be long-lasting; you're classic "€œmarrying material," a prize in the eyes of many.

It's possible that behind it all, you're a bit of a male slut. Your best friends know that in relationships you're fundamentally sex-driven. You're a safe, reliable guy, who does get laid. In a lot of ways, you're like a well-worn, comfortable pair of socks. Did you ever jack off into one of those? All the time.

Your ideal mate is NOT a nut-job. She is giving and loving, like you, but also experienced.

Welcome to our blog. We don't know we're we'll end up - or who we'll end up with - but we're all starting at single.