(We don't know where we'll end up ... but we're all starting at single.)

Monday, December 29, 2014

The RN: Where are the Real Men?

So, I started writing this, I think at the end of last year and then never got around to framing it into an actual post. But in the face of all the ridiculous expectations and disrespect I was going through at the time, I collected a couple of quotes about how men are being demasculinized by our society and it's having a negative effect of the dating scene. I want a masculine man. I don't want a mean or cruel one, but I do want one who knows what he wants and doesn't use some cray scheme to get it.

Without further ado, here are the quotes:
By her lights, things only get worse in higher education. "This PC gender politics thing—the way gender is being taught in the universities—in a very anti-male way, it's all about neutralization of maleness." The result: Upper-middle-class men who are "intimidated" and "can't say anything. . . . They understand the agenda." In other words: They avoid goring certain sacred cows by "never telling the truth to women" about sex, and by keeping "raunchy" thoughts and sexual fantasies to themselves and their laptops.
And men aren't the only ones suffering from the decline of men. Women, particularly elite upper-middle-class women, have become "clones" condemned to "Pilates for the next 30 years," Ms. Paglia says. "Our culture doesn't allow women to know how to be womanly," adding that online pornography is increasingly the only place where men and women in our sexless culture tap into "primal energy" in a way they can't in real life.

- Ms. Paglia
We need to stop this whole idea where just because we aren't putting down women means we have to be putting down men. Also, keeping your more base fantasies to yourself just leads to a bad sex life. How can your partner satisfy you if she doesn't know what you really want?
Males have been told to be sensitive and non-threatening at all times. The is often in direct opposition to their ravishing urges toward their female partners. The resulting guilt of wanting to ravish, and it's incompatibility with sensitivity, leads to the stifling of all aggressive urges in the males, even the desired ones. It keeps the male expression somewhat repressed, and often keep the female from feeling sexually desired. The male partner feels he can't express himself, and the female partner perceives her males partner is holding back his desire for her.
Dr. Logan? If I get your message correctly, you're suggesting I tell my husband he can do whatever he needs to express his desire for me without necessarily restraining his expression?
I'm not suggesting you let him become abusive or even rough with you, not that he set aside a basic recognition of his strength, his body size, and various other factors in relation to you. ... Instead - I am suggesting that, as a couple, you define the parameters of your sexual expression in ways you might be currently avoiding. Let me ask you a question. Do you you ever feel your husband is holding something back during intimacy?
Aren't you curious what it is? Ask yourself what it would be worth to you to know this information about your partner. It could be fear of being hurt holding you back. It could be his fear of hurting you keeping him from his expression. Talk to him and find out. Like everything else in a relationship sexual expression is an agreement. Honest communication is the path to change.

- Dating Dr. Notorious
Another great line from Dating Dr. Notorious which has always struck a cord with me: "It's funny, she thought, fighting the urge to cringe away from his hands. When the right guy put his hands on you, it was amazing. When the wrong guy did it, the actions could give you the creeps." I especially thought of that line when I was dealing with the guy I had to kick out of my life.

Sunday, December 28, 2014

The RN: The Wedding Date

So, back in August I met a guy ... kind of. He doesn't live in the same state (something like a 6-7 hour drive) and he left on a wander-about-Asia-for-however-many-months trip at the beginning of November. But thing is when he was visiting other people near me, we went on a couple of really great dates.

He was nice. He was polite. He didn't treat me like an object. He was a perfect gentleman. It has been so long since I went on a date like that. We went on two dates like that and it was pretty awesome. I am definitely smitten, but, realistically, I don't know this has any chance.

But it sure was nice to be treated with such respect. And I think it started a small change in me. Last week for the first time in I can't even remember how long, I wanted to be in a relationship. To be fair it only lasted for a about 5 minutes, but the thought of having someone I could just lay in bed with and be lazy with sounded really great there for a few minutes.

I am still scared. I still don't know what I want. I still get exasperated in dealing with the guys I meet. But for the first time in a long time, I have a seed of hope. Someday, maybe I won't be single.

Saturday, December 20, 2014

The RN: I'm Single; Deal with It

So, here's the thing: I'm single.

Have been for a few years (3 years, 18 days, not that I'm counting or anything). And that's okay. There's actually nothing wrong with being single. It's not a crime. I'm not hurting anyone. I'm not letting life pass me by just because I don't have a man.

NEWS FLASH: There is nothing wrong with this!

P.S. This kid is awesome.

Despite the fact that some people can't deal with their kids not having someone in their life, being single is actually okay. It doesn't mean we're not trying; although we maybe on a break. It doesn't mean we're gay; although we may be experimenting out of sheer desperation. It doesn't make us bad people; although sometime we do bad things (don't we all?). It means we haven't settled down yet. Maybe we're still getting over our own issues.

Maybe we just haven't met Mr. Right yet. It's okay to be single. I don't need a man despite having heard this on repeat all last week.