(We don't know where we'll end up ... but we're all starting at single.)

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

The RN: Sorting out the Details

So, after the craziness of the last weekend in Sep I only went on two more dates in the first half of October. I was training for a Half Marathon, so I was a bit busier than normal. I also decided the boycott of OKC would last for all of October, so I'm almost ready to entertain logging back in. Besides as I mentioned at the end of the last blog I mentioned that there were 4 guys I was kind of interested in.

The first guy is Date #3 now known as Connecticut (or CT). We had a really good first date, that lasted longer than expected in a really good way. We have been texting and talking on phone (which I hate to do) since that weekend. Why haven't I seen him again? Our first date was on his last day in town before his work assignment was over and he had to go to home to Connecticut. I'm actually going to visit him in CT in Nov. Yes, our date went that well.

On the Thursday before the Half, I did manage to go a second date with Date #6, henceforth known as Baseball Guy (or BG) since our first date was a baseball game. I wasn't really sure about this guy after the first date, but I thought I'd give him a second chance. He took me to an out-of-the-way restaurant just because it was Gluten Free (yes, I generally eat gluten free, no allergies, just for my health). We had a nice dinner, but I still wasn't really sure how a I felt about him. Then I gave him a third chance the weekend after the Half. We went to the movies and then he made me dinner. Which he had to modify because of my food allergies. I had to give him props for remembering that I was allergic to some foods and then asking me about what he could put in the dinner. So even though he chose a girlie movie (yes, my friends had to talk me into being okay with seeing "Pitch Perfect"), he did make a really good a dinner and the evening progressed ... well, really well.

The third guy is Date #5 aka Late Guy. On the Tuesday after the Half we went on a third date; dinner near my place at a bar that I suggested. What I didn't know was that it was trivia night there. So we sort played along, but it was super complicated and we weren't doing that well so we didn't turn in our answer cards at all. I'm kind of on the fence about this guy. He's really nice and I have a great time when we see each other, but there's no real spark. He hasn't even tried to kiss me yet, but I have such fun and I love our conversations. I guess I'll just have to see how this one plays out. I don't want to lead him on unnecessarily, but I am still having fun seeing him.

The fourth guy was Mr. Fascinating now forever known as Fish Face. This date went about the same as the first one, the conversation was good and the food was, well, a little interesting, but still eatable. It didn't really start to go downhill until the drive back. Then somehow we got talking about superheros, which was fine with me until he started asking which ones I thought were hotter from the summer movies. Um, that got awkward really fast.

Then, after that conversation was finally over, he walked me to my door and asked to use the restroom. Which seemed a little odd since he'd already gone 3 times during dinner, but maybe something was going on with him. Anyway, then he asked for a tour, which I didn't want to give because my roommates were in bed and I didn't want to be loud and I kind of just wanted him to leave. Then the conversation got even more awkward when he wanted me to hit him in the hand. Which I really didn't want to do; seriously who wants to actually, really hit their date? Not me. Then it got even weirder and more uncomfortable when he said I must really know how to hit and that he had previously been "beaten up by a girl". At this point my only thought was, "Oh, dear god, this means drama. Get out! Get out now!" And if all of that wasn't enough this, of all the times, is when he decides to move in for a kiss. I swear he had a crazy fish face that looked some thing like this:

I really don't know how my entire face didn't get wet. It wasn't a terrible kiss, but by that time I really didn't want to be kissing him. I did my best to get him out the door as soon as possible after that. Thankfully he only sent one more text after that date and it didn't get anymore awkward. So he is officially off the list.

So, as of now, I have plans to see all three guys still on the list in the next 2 weeks. And I've been off OKC long enough that logging in again actually seems like it could be fun. Maybe I should let The Window Shopper and The Peach go through and screen all the guys messaging me so I don't end up on another date like that one. On the other hand, I do have three guys that I'm still talking to that I really like. At least one of which I was warned not to message back by both of them.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

TWS, Day 1

Surprise twist! This morning I woke up with this song stuck in my head:

"She put a bag on my head -- still counts!"

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

The RN: 5 Days x 6 Dates

Some how, over the course of 5 days at the end of September I managed to go on 6 dates. I've decided that I'm never doing that again. It was really stressful and not worth it. I had 5 first dates and one second date, in the retrospect of a couple weeks, I guess three of them went pretty well. If you had asked me right after, I would have said one went really well and two were okay. The other three were pretty much disasters.

Date #1: On a Thursday night, I met a guy at a place not far from my place (for the first time) and we had a pleasant conversation, but there was like a negative connection. He acted way older than what his profile said he was and was clearly looking for something that my "I swear I'm a twenty-something, drunken-ass-hole" ways were not going to be compatible with at all. For reference see rejection letter one.

Date #2: On a Friday afternoon, we met near my hair salon (so sue me, had I already made the hair appointment 8 weeks prior) and we didn't really have a plan. We walked around looking at buildings since he used to be interested in architecture (yes, I agree very Ted Mosby), still it was kind of fun. We talked for a few hours, but nothing really came of it and he was a smoker so ickiness level was super high. We haven't spoken since then and I'm totally okay with that.

Date #3: On a Friday evening, after going home and changing into evening date clothes (yes, evening gets nicer clothes). We met near his "place" since there was a restaurant he wanted to try, so why not? I'd been out in that area before, so we met for dinner at a place neither of us ever been. And it turned out pretty awesome. We got drinks while we waited for a table and he didn't even blink when ordered one of the house special drinks, an Earl Grey Julep, which was awesome. I think I need to start trying more bourbon drinks. Then we had dinner, which was interesting to order because it was a cross between tapas and family style, made all the more interesting by him being pseudo-vegetarian and me having vegetable allergies. After dinner we were having such a good time that we went to another place for more drinks and dessert. And then I may have forgotten to go home that night, possibly making me a little late on Saturday afternoon ;)

Date #4: On a Saturday afternoon, I met Late Guy (yep, The Window Shopper, has rubbed off on me too) for a second date and a movie. He somehow got squeezed in between two other plans this time as well. The first being a manicure and pedicure (don't laugh it's probably the most girlie thing I do, plus, you know, having to keep oneself in dating shape) and previous plans to see Lewis Black with a bunch of friends. Regardless of being fit in, the date went well and I got to see The Expendables 2. So, no complaints.

Date #5: On a Sunday afternoon, I met a guy (you only get a nickname if you last past date 1, maybe date 2) for some supposedly good Mexican food. Anyone who has spent any time out West knows that DC sucks for good, authentic Mexican food. This guy had spent several years in San Deigo, so had the proper appreciation for hole-in-the-wall Mexican and was on a quest to find some around DC. We did alright, but it still wasn't quite what we were hoping for, neither the food nor the company, leading to rejection letter two.

Date #6: On a Monday evening, we met for a double date with one of his girl friends (note the space) for a Nationals -v- Phillies game. I wasn't sure about meeting up with his friend and her boyfriend, but it was just one game and a guy from OkC, so if it went poorly I could always bail. The first issue was in our messages he said "Go Nats!", and I've only ever attended Nats games with Phillies fans  so all my normal games clothes say "Phillies". But I managed to find a nerdy (trust me this was the kind of date for nerdy) t-shirts that was close to Nats blue and some jeans. The date turned out alright and he kissed me when he dropped me off at my house.

After that weekend, I officially decided to boycott logging into OkC. If you are keeping track (I won't blame you if you aren't) at this point in the dating saga I have had dates with 4 guys that I kind of like and they are all contacting me through other means. So I haven't logged in since the end of this weekend. (The last time I logged in was to copy the text for the LSS blog.) The first three weeks of October will have to wait for another blog.

TWS Catching Up, Month 10

I saw each guy – MH and RH – one more time before I never saw them again. It was a week in the books for me: I had three dates that week. This was a month ago. One was Wednesday with a random guy that went well enough but I think we were both fine it didn’t go anywhere. Or maybe it was the fact that he kissed me at the end of the date when I literally ran away into a cab. (To be fair, I was drunk and forgot it was Wednesday and cabs are not at all hard to find at 1am on Wednesdays in downtown DC. Whoops.) Oh well, he had this weird way of reminding me of my brother-in-law anyway. And worked from home, had all married friends and I’m fairly certain only went out with girls for something to do…and nookie.

Friday, I ditched RH to go to a free concert in Baltimore with a friend of mine. Instead, I offered him Saturday. After an 11 mile training run, I was just about to hop in the shower to get ready when he texted that his friend fell and he had to take her to the hospital. He’s a clumsy person. That was fine with me; I went to The Nurse’s house party. He later called to apologize for cancelling, which I said was fine, but what wasn’t fine was having hung up on my earlier. His frustration with his stuff is not mine, nor do I intend for it to affect me. And I fucking hate being hung up on. After he went to hang up again, I called him out on it and he quickly apologized after I offered my brief explaination of why that was unacceptable. Lesson of Note: Men respond well when you speak to them like children in a soft, subtle voice. So I quickly masterminded a plan and told him that we could go out tomorrow afternoon to Frisbee golf and maybe that would make him feel better.
Here’s the thing: I just really wanted to Frisbee golf. It really had very little to do with his day gone wrong. And I had already made plans to play that afternoon with MH.
So I texted MH and started to talk about the next day’s plans, slyly suggesting that we meet that evening so that he could watch his football team play at 1 and frolfing wouldn’t interfere. He agreed and in 20 minutes I seemed like the hero to both guys.
I just got way too good at this.
However, that Sunday was the last time I saw either boy. MH decided I was “fucking with him” because he waffled about inviting himself to sleep over my house and going home. Eventually I suggested – after he again said, “I’m just going to stay” – that he just go home and would thank me tomorrow. He got flustered and I didn’t much care, but gave him a kiss (or 2 – remember: “I like kissing la la la) upon departure to which he responded “Are you just fucking with me”. So, I didn’t hear from him again and wasn’t particularly interested so he gave himself the boot and I’m totally okay with that. I didn’t hear from him again until last night – exactly one month later – when my phone decided to call him because it somehow went to a voicemail he left me on that night. I hung up quickly, but it had connected and he texted me. Awkward.
RH just got busy. And I got busy. And there were a few incoming texts from him over the weeks saying he wanted a “reunion”, but nothing has come to fruition. So for now, that’s dead in the water; which I’m also totally okay with, however leaving me sexless still.
Otherwise the Universe has been cockblocking me. The last full moon offered me 3.5 men to take home with me. I choose one. One that had shared my bed back in February; one a stranger; and one the roommate of some jerk I'd stopped dating last year. The Bed Share was looking mighty fine: I picked him. He paid for the cab to my place and making out in front of my house, decided then to come clean that he has a girlfriend. And so, I remain temporary celebate. Damn Universe: It's up to something. 
So, currently there’s a new guy. The OkC algorithm says we're a 96% match: My highest yet. We texted for weeks before going out last week. I tried to convince him to bring me waffles when I woke up hungover on my birthday from festivities the night before, 10 days before we met. I now call him Waffle Guy (WG), even though he brought me homemade ice cream on our first date; I got to pick the flavor, because I had ankle injury (and still ran) and we are in agreement that ice cream makes everything better. It was like an edible trophy…from a stranger. He dropped about $200 on dinner. That check sat there for a while, but there was no way I was going anywhere near it. We saw each other again four days later last Saturday - for about 14 hours. I think have been in contact every day. He has his shit together. He treats his mother well. But he has four chiuauas. FOUR. And they are assholes. And they don’t like me. I’m not sure I could get over that enough to re-enter the loop’o’sex – we are now entering month 10 - but I suppose time will tell.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

The DLS: Traveling Ghosts

Given some recent events and the Halloween season, I feel it's appropriate time to air this one.  Dirty Little Secret #4: We all have a past: ghosts & their subsequent baggage that haunt us. One of my favorite shows, How I Met Your Mother aka HIMYM, did a wonderful job a few seasons back of addressing how sometimes we're blind to the baggage we still carry. In fact, this very episode brought My Ex back to me one time, showing the power of HIMYM's silly but relatable message.

I tend to be pretty aware of my ghosts - I've had to travel a rough but ultimately rewarding emotional landscape through the years - but even I get surprised on occasion by the little bigger than you think things that linger long after their time. Over the last two years especially, stemming from second real break-up with My Ex, I've really worked to put a lot of my ghosts to bed.  But in that relationship, a new one popped up: the Specter of Silence (SS). Silence can be healing and helpful, but it can also be used as a manipulative weapon.  I experienced a lot of the latter.

A few weeks ago, I accidentally questioned VS's intentions in a roundabout way.  To be fair, I am a direct (to a fault) person and it can get me into hot water. I was shocked when I realized how much of that question came from my past and apologized/explained. VS put me face-to-face with a new one: Selectively Silent Specter (SSS).  At first I panicked - I felt slammed back into my past with ferocious intensity - but after some time and some good advice from friends, something changed. I let go of that crippling fear induced by the SSS and in doing so, VS and I actually began talking again.

I'm not saying I've completely banished my fear of silence as a weapon, but I realized I have power and a choice.  I can spend time being angry/fearful about what's wrong or I can accept and appreciate what's right. After all, men have past ghosts, too...

~The DLS

Thursday, October 18, 2012

The RN: Not enough Time by a Half

Seeing as it's been a while since anyone has posted, I thought I'd give you all a quick non-dating related update. Several of us, about half, recently ran in a Half Marathon. So half of us have been busy training for a Half and haven't had a lot of extra time. Either for dating or for blogging.

The Dirty Little Secret1:58:21
The Peach12:11:34
The Window Shopper22:25:37
The Slow Dancer32:33:11
The Nurse3:09:28
And if that wasn't enough, The Playboy and The Dirty Little Secret are relaying in another Half which The Window Shopper and I are running in next month. Hopefully, I can get my time under 3 hours before the next one. Yep, we are all pretty much crazy.

And some of us are crazier than normal. Here's a list of preexisting injuries that some people ran through:
  1. The Peach ran with her foot broken in two places from the Tuesday before.
  2. The Window Shopper ran with a sprained ankle from the weekend before.
  3. The Slow Dancer ran with Runner's Knee in both knees.
And yet some how they all finished before I did. At least I'm only half crazy.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Once More Unto the Breach

I've been going on a crapload of dates lately. At one point, I went out with 5 different women over an 8-day period.  I don't recommend dating at that clip unless you enjoy spending 50-75 bucks a pop, over and over again, without knowing if it will lead to anything significant. My new rule is if there's no discernible physical and psychological progress after five dates (or if the progress is not mutual), I'm moving on.

(TDLS and I have discussed this, but I still disagree with her: Some women claim that the amount of money they spend on hair and makeup is worth getting taken out all the time.  Unless they are getting their weaves tightened for $800 to $1200 every month, I refuse to believe that.  And gym memberships don't count: you think guys don't have those?  Everyone should (in theory) care about their own personal fitness beyond making themselves attractive to potential or current mates.  But this is a subject for a later post.)

Anyway, most of the first dates were solid.  All but one of them resulted in multiple dates.  One of them was an offline date with someone I'd been seeing for a while that obviously wasn't going anywhere.  Since I started, all but one has fallen by the wayside. Now I'm in that interesting phase where I wonder whether or not I should continue to pursue new first dates, or just roll with the one remaining woman (who I really am fond of so far).  

I err on the side of soldiering forward and meeting new people.  Yeah, I know -- when it comes down to it, dating multiple people multiple times is a pain in the ass.  You have to remember which stories you told to which people, and who does what for a living.  If you're already a busy person (and I am), it's a lot to juggle, a lot to remember, and (potentially) a lot to spend.  But I still recommend doing it for one reason: it makes rejection much easier to swallow.  When one person tells you they aren't interested, it's a lot easier to take when you've got another date lined up in a couple of days.  When one person you've gone out with seems to be a poor fit, it's much less disappointing when another second date is on the horizon.  Many women don't realize that guys hate rejection, even though most of us are far more accustomed to romantic rejection than they are.  

I joined this blog to share interesting stories, but I also wanted motivation to get off my butt and start refocusing on dating.  Not because I've been a total slacker in that department, but I could feel myself getting complacent over the past few months by settling for sporadic passive dating. Online dating isn't amazing, but it's certainly better than not dating at all.  And knowing that my blogmates are in it with me makes it a lot easier. 

Sunday, October 7, 2012

The Slow Dancer: Still alive and kicking!

I was bored and wandered over to the steps of the Lincoln memorial by the newly reopened reflecting pool, on this brisk Sunday night and was feeling rather... well... reflective. I figured that I would catch everybody up on what I've been up to for the past month. So... true to my name, I've been taking my sweet olde time getting the ball rolling on this project. A lot of it was apprehension and fear.... though a lot of it was laziness. Trying to answer questions such as describe yourself or six things you can't live without may seem like simple concepts, but in reality can be paralyzing. There's really nothing that you can't live without. You adapt and survive. What a ridiculous concept! Also, how do I condense my life into a few small lines? The prompt really should have a spot where you can link an autobiography, complete with references and footnotes.
This is a snapshot by which somebody will judge you... and trust me everybody judges. I judge pictures, height and other aspects before I even get to the questions. You see the notifications that people may be a good match and have checked your profile out... but very few messages. I of course wasn't going to run into this blindly and had enlisted a longtime friend from high-school. Though after the window shopper got a hold of it, she offered me a few points (ok maybe more than just a few...) of constructive criticism.
With a new profile, and new found confidence I had started sending a few messages here and there, but I quickly realized that a lot of the people just didn't have that much in common with me. I don't think I'm that weird and tend to get along with most people... maybe I'm just being picky and sabotaging. Eh, who knows?
I also had issues trying to figure out how to strike up a conversation. Believe it or not, I'm not the sauve debonair type you all have imagined. Do you introduce yourself... or dive right in with a barrage of questions? I know the answer lies somewhere in between, but I'm not sure where yet. What if you completely fuck up your chances and come off as a creeper or just the dreaded friend? All issues with which everybody struggles. Why doesn't this whole thing come with an instruction manual?
I took a little bit of a break just to reevaluate where things are going, and what I want to do. I gonna go with another profile overhaul, third time's the charm right? I'm gonna definitely try to message more people, even if they don't fit my exacting requirements. Hey people always surprise you! Hopefully I'll be able to tell you of hilarious adventures and great times, but you'll just have to wait and find out.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Oh honey no!: "I haven't had sex in over three years."

...I wonder why.

This guy was on my visitors list and in my intial reaction I said "Why are you not wearing any clothes?" aloud to myself. Just what the fuck? The last picture got cut off during screen capture but the caption is "My toilet :)". I sincerely hope this man is on a copious amount of drugs.

There are no words. Just...no.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

The RN: Little Sister Syndrome

We all hear guys talking about the dreaded "friend zone" and I must admit I have a friend zone and there a quite a few guys in it. This is about the other side of the friend zone or what I like to call Little Sister Syndrome (LSS). LSS will sound familiar to anyone who has been placed in the friend zone. Sorry to all the guys in my friend zone who don't want to be there, it happens.

Little Sister Syndrome is the condition where you are completely asexualized by a guy, who then tends to be slightly (or more than slightly) overprotective of you. You know, because you're like his little sister. Since, I have been in a relationship for the better part of the last 15 years this hasn't really been a problem. However, not the best thing to run into on a dating site. Which has officially started happening. 

So what does LSS sound like on a dating site? Kind of like this:
I had a really nice time the other night and it was really nice to meet you, but I don't quite think we're a good match for each other. Good luck to you and I hope you can reach a good decision on continuing with school. 
Or maybe like this:
It was fun getting to meet you last night, and we may even have discovered not-so-bad Mexican food in DC. Sometimes I wonder which is harder, finding true love or good Mexican. :) You're obviously an intelligent and interesting woman, and I enjoyed swapping old-car stories with you. Unfortunately, I didn't feel that certain connection I'm looking for. I appreciate you taking the time to get together, and I wish you all the best with your new position and with your schooling, whatever you decide.  
The more I think about it, the less it bothers me. But I have to say I wasn't expecting it from guys on a dating site. Also, I appear to talk about going to school when I run out of other things to talk about. Glad I have had dates where school hasn't come up at all.