(We don't know where we'll end up ... but we're all starting at single.)

Friday, January 31, 2014

The Rn: Vegas Baby

Las Vegas, Baby!

A couple of weekends ago, a bunch of us went to Las Vegas to celebrate a pair of birthdays. The DLS and her college roommate (DCF) have birthdays about 4 weeks apart and this year was the big 3-0. So clearly a Vegas trip was in order. In all, we had up to 11 people out partying.

My sister (RNSis) and I arrived on Thursday night since we know a bunch of people in Vegas. On Thursday night and Friday, we hung out with a couple of our college friends one of who had to work through most of the festivities (RNCF2) and one who joined us for some of the fun (RNCF1) even though she's pregnant - yeah, my friends are that awesome.

Somehow on Thursday night, while visiting RNCF2 at her job, I got talked into riding a mechanical bull. On a Thursday. At like midnight (or 3am my time zone). While I was the DD. And yet no one was surprised I did it. Hm, not too worried about that. The resulting bruise was less than pleasant, but, meh, it was just a bruise.

On Friday morning, I was digging through my suitcase getting ready to go hang out, when I noticed I may not have done a stellar packing job. And by that I mean I packed 4 bras and 0 pairs of underwear for the weekend. Um, that's not really going to work. Quickly, we added Victoria's Secret to the day's shopping list. Then RNCF2, RNCF1, RNSis, and I all went and got mani-pedis, because we decided to spoil ourselves. Then we grabbed lunch with the addition of RNCF1's dad - because he's awesome. Then we went shopping. Let's hear it for Victoria's Secret's Semi Annual Sale; I was able to grab all the underwear I needed out of the clearance bin.

$4 a piece? Yes, please!

Next, I had to wash all the undies in the sink, because eew! gross! those were in the clearance bin. Fortunately, TWS's hotel-mate X had randomly grabbed some laundry soap at CVS on the way from the airport. Of course, I was on a time crunch. So undies washed, then me washed ... and shampooed ... and shaved. Because we were headed out to Sapphire for some fun.

Hello there.

Well only the girls, the two husbands went to go gamble while we were busy ogling. We had a blast. We also quickly realized who really spends a lot of money in these places, and let me tell you we weren't it. Apparently, there is a certain ... portion? ... of the population willing to pay large sums of money for male attention. If I wanted a guy to grind on me and grab me, I'd go to a (night) club or get back on OKC. Regardless, TWS and I conspired to get the DLS up on stage with cutest stripper for public lap dance. Don't regret it for a second.

The next day a few of us went to Sephora, and I got talked into buying more makeup. I mean I did want some lipstick, since we sort of skipped that in the first round, but then I got talked into some more eye shadow too. Which, of course, I have used since Vegas, so I shouldn't be complaining about because it's awesome. And I love the lipstick too. As TWS would put it, "Le sigh."

Then we went to an awesome steak house for the big birthday dinner. Great food. Better company. A little drama. Sounds about right.

Then we went to the club for bottle service. It was fun, really fun. Especially watching my sister go out for the first time since she had her first kid. Yeah, that's right, there are normal, child-bearing people in my family; I'm just not one of them. Plus after hanging with her husband all of last summer, it was time to put her through the wringer.

Family torture device.

I made out with a French guy at the club. Who was pleasantly aggressive; if not the best kisser. I may not be big on makeup, but I am pretty sure his goal was to eat all the lipstick off my face. Still, it was nice to have some harmless fun. After a bit of drama (don't slap people in the club; it's not nice) and a bit of miscommunication, X, TWS, RNSis, and I left the club and decided to play in the Casino for a bit. Nothing serious just a few nickel slots to entertain ourselves. Shortly there after we were joined by Lily just hanging out having some fun, still in our club dresses.

And that's how we meet the Canadians. That and the declared craziest line of the weekend, "We're from Michigan; we fuck Canadians all the time." Well, okay then, just like that 4 (of 8 we later found out) Canadians were down without hanging out most the night, like it wasn't already 5am. Gotta love Vegas time. Even though none of us are from MI. A few grew up there, but not all of us.

Something like this, I guess.

A few of those Canadians even got lucky over the course of the weekend. Alas, this was not my year; things didn't quite line up for me to hookup with anyone this time around. I was on the hookup bandwagon last year. Pretty sure I never caught that guy's real name; sorry Mom.

And that pretty much sums up the trip. Most of the drama got worked out before we left, the rest of it got cleared up over the next couple days. Well, except for the part where TWS's ride home from the airport ditched her there. Fortunately, my flight wasn't landing too much later than hers and her place is on my way home from the airport.

It was almost a drama free weekend ... almost.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

The RN: Porn is Supposedly Ruining our Relationships ... Again ... Still?

Happy New Year!
So, this was supposed to be the last post of 2013, but I got lazy and now it's the first post of 2014.

It seems like every few months there's a round of posts on FaceBook about how porn is ruining our relationships. The latest round on my news feed started with this one. I get it and sometimes I even sort of agree with it. If you spend all day looking at porn stars and your  girlfriend doesn't even like blow jobs, you're bound to be disappointed. Also, go find a girl who likes to give blow jobs.

I get frustrated with these articles placing all the blame on porn. I do agree there are some guys people out there who really do have an issue with porn, but it's not every Tom, Dick, and Jane. I think the real issue is communication. Porn is porn; it's been around since forever. It's not going away, because people enjoy being turned on.

Sure porn can create unrealistic expectations. Not every girl can take it raw up the ass 10 seconds after she walks in the door. And even if she can, doesn't mean she wants to. And that's where the communication comes in. So you want her to take it raw up the ass 10 seconds after she walks in the door? Why? What about that turns you on? Maybe, she can will do the part that turns you on. Maybe. But you need to communicate to find the line. You need to know yourself and be okay with talking about what you want. Otherwise, you can't expect your partner to know what you want.

I've made this mistake. I'm sure many people have made this mistake. I know I made it with The Ex. Shocking, I know, but The Ex and I had communication issues. Lots of them. I feel like every time I tried to talk to him about my needs we ended up arguing. Sex related or not, this was us:

"I'm right; you're wrong!"

But, I digress. Okay so I can see how porn can create possibly unrealistic expectations for sex within a relationship. But that doesn't make porn bad. It just means you have to have realistic expectations. Of yourself and of your partner and of your relationship.

I think we need to look at the other side of the equation though. Porn, by far, is something we associate with guys. Guys watch porn and get unrealistic ideas, or so the story goes. But it's not just porn that's creating unrealistic expectations. So assuming we agree porn is influence guys; what is influencing girls to have unrealistic expectations? My answer: romance novels/trashy novels/brain candy.

To over simplify, the plot of every one of these books is: 
  • Boy and girl meet
  • Boy and girl hate each other and fight all the time, but only because they secretly are perfect for one another
  • Boy and girl separately realize how much they love the other one, but refuse to admit to themselves and others because they are both convinced the other one hates them
  • Somehow something happens and one admits feeling, the other follows after some delay from zero to decades, depending on the "plot"
  • Boy and girl live happily ever after
  • Some optional amount of plot and side stories to make the story fit into a subcategory

We have girls being told love is almost immediate, it over rules all adversity, and you should be treated "like a queen" and everything wrong is his fault. Talk about unrealistic expectations. This isn't the way real relationships work. No one is always wrong and no one is always right. These books are showing girls whatever they do is the right choice and in the end the guy will discover she was right even if he didn't think so to begin with.

Oh, I almost forget the whole "electric touch" thing in romance novels. The first time (and every other time) said boy and girl touch, even in the slightest non-sexual way, they both feel a buzz or heat or tingles or some other such crap, which they have never felt with anyone else - ever. So now on top of everything else your both supposed to be able to tell the first time you touch someone. Some books even start this before the touching, when you see your match across the room/street/party/whatever. COME ON! That shit is not real! I'll give you butterflies of excitement at a new relationship, even a new hookup, or a first date. But to feel unprecedented heat or electricity without actually knowing the person? I don't believe it.

Months ago TWS and I were talking about something completely unrelated to this when she said:
  • "i turned around and poof! he was there and i knew it was forever" 
    GO FUCK YOURSELF. ... even if it appears that easy, it never is. stop lyin ho.
My thoughts exactly! Real life is hard and so are real relationships. Nothing is as easy as these books are making it seem. Now some are more realistic than others, but in the end they are still the same story. I understand this is supposed to a fantasized version of life to make girls the reader happy, but I feel like we are being set up for failure. It's like the movie He's Just Not That Into You, where the whole movie is talking about sometime he just doesn't like you back. *Spoiler Alert* But then at the end of the movie, he is that into her and she gets the guy. That's not what really happens. In reality you had what you thought was a great date, and then he never texts you back.

But I maintain: porn is not ruining our relationships. And neither are romance novels. We are ruining our relationships. We are ruining them by having unrealistic expectations, by not communicating with each other, and by not actually trying to make them work. 

Or by trying too hard to make them work ... but that's another topic.