The RN: Participation Trophy Temper Tantrums

I generally try not to be political and I try to stick to topics at least partially related to dating. You know, since that's what we started this blog to talk about. But, well, let's face it, my dating life recently (does 2 years count as recently?) has been a little lack luster. So today I'm going to get a ... little political. Hopefully not boring political, but political nonetheless.

First, I'd like to state my heart goes out to all the victims, those close to them, and their losses in the stories I am about to talk about.

Photo Credit

I'm noticing a ... trend in ... a lot of headlines lately. Someone is always shooting up something and killing a lot of people. And to me (maybe these are just the stories I remember) it seem as though many of these shootings have to do with young men (stereotype, I know) shooting up people because they didn't get their way. Girls won't sleep with you? Shoot them up. Don't like your job? Shoot them up. Don't want to do your job? Shoot them up. Paranoid the police are watching you? Shoot them up. Family won't give you the bible you want? Shoot them up. Wish you were Batman? Go to a theater, and shoot them up. Don't want to be gay? Go to the club, and shoot them up. Columbine, Sandy Hook, Northern Illinois University, Virginia Tech, the list goes on.

My intention here is not to be callous about any of these events. Merely to point out how many of them there are. Did a single one of you need to look up the list at the end? While these events have started some important conversations in our country, and made us all look at things in a hard light, I can't help but think, these incidents all seem to stem from one person feeling like another person, or group, was not giving said person enough ... respect, opportunity, sex, you name it.

I'm reminded of a two-year-old's temper tantrum in a grocery store, "BUT, I WANT THE CANDY BAR! YOU CAN'T SAY NO TO ME! IT'S NOT FAIR! I SHOULD GET IT BECAUSE I WANT IT; I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO WAIT FOR YOU TO WANT TO GIVE IT TO ME! I EARNED IT JUST BY WANTING IT!" (Hello? Stanford rapist, anyone?) I'm not sure if there is a common root to all this violence, but I don't see how rewarding people for showing up, having a "ceremony" for graduating every grade, and having a free, trophy girl at the end of every video game level can help.

Real life doesn't work that way. You don't get a promotion and raise for showing up to your job every day. You don't even get a promotion and raise for doing your job well everyday. You have to show the company you are worth more than they are paying you. Do your job so well the company is concerned you'll decide to work somewhere else, and they reward you to keep you working there. You have to work for it and you have to earn it. Just showing up is not enough in real life.

A graduation "ceremony" at every grade level ceases to be a ceremony:

ceremony (n): the ritual observances and procedures performed at grand and formal occasions.

When you do it every year, no one thinks it's grand; it's normal. Nothing happening that often is treated as formal; it's run-of-the-mill, everyday ... the same. You're not making every year special; you're making no year special. You are teaching us as a society we should be rewarded for showing up. Not for giving our best, not for truly accomplishing something, just for showing up. And then the harsh reality of life outside of school sets in ... and no one is prepared. No one has been told, "No." No one has learned how to deal with disappointment, failure, other people ... their own emotions. It's quite sad, to have been so cruel as to take away the ability to live life by cushioning every blow. Real life is mean ... and wonderful.

In the real world, girls (pardon the CIS-gender perspective here) don't just fall into your lap because you jumped over the lava and beat the dragon. (I'll always be a Mario fan.) We are complex creatures in our own right. We also have hopes and dreams and goals we're trying to accomplish. We have our own lava to jump over and our own dragons to beat. We are not your prize; you are not our prize. We won't sleep with you just because you showed up. You have to earn our affection. Don't try to take our controller away (OMG, this analogy is never ending ... sorry ... kind of), we want to jump over our own lava and beat our own dragons. We like the challenge. We like the sense of accomplishment, just like you do. Want to start a 2-player game? Now you're talking.

Working together? I can get behind that.

The RN: Shower Talk

I recently had a conversation about showering with some friends. I know I had the same conversation about 1000 years ago with The DLS and The SD. What started the conversation was the impression when girls say they're going to rinse off, we didn't actually mean shower. We just sort of stood there in the shower and then turned it off and got out, no soap involved.

Of course, it took a little while for DLS and I to stop laughing. We then explained girls have different terms for showering based on context. If you are talking to a girl about her showering you can find clues about how she wants you to think about her.

DLS and I agreed (along with most girls I've talked to about this) you never tell a guy you're going to go "take a shower" unless you want him to think about you naked. There's probably exceptions for brothers and fathers here, but I'm not 100% on that being true all the time. My best guess as to why this happens is because showering is the term men use. They think about themselves in the shower and how good the water feels on their nakedness and then they think of you in the shower being naked. Possibly thinking of soap or shampoo dripping down your body. P.S. You're welcome for the imagery.

When I say "take a shower," this is what I assume you're thinking.

When we don't want you think about us naked, we use one of two(ish) terms to give you an idea of how long we are going to be. The first is usually "I have to wash my hair" or maybe "I need to shave my legs." These are designed to make men think about the boring, long task of washing hair; the socially acceptable blow off of "having to wash my hair"; the giant pile of bottles they know women have in their showers; and/or hairy legs. None of which are sexy, most of which make men roll their eyes. Now they're thinking of "women's beauty chores" and not your naked body, viola!

Much better, if you aren't interested, for him to think of these.

The other thing(s) we say is we're "going to go rinse off," or, I've also heard, "I'm going to run through the shower." This means we're going to wash our bodies and probably our face, but not wash our hair and not shave our legs. This is the fastest version of showering that women do. It usually takes between 5 and 10 minutes and is basically what guys do in their normal routine, minus the wiping shampoo over the top of their heads. This wording is meant to make you think we'll right back and nothing serious is happening. Apparently, it also has the side effect of making guys wonder how you shower without using soap.

Just a quick rinse.

I definitely like to use soap in my showers. I don't think I'm up for trying any of this no soap stuff. I must admit to being a little intrigued about this whole body regulation theory though.

The RN: The Hair of the Leg

Lately, I seem to keep hearing the same question about leg shaving: the whole thing or just below the knee? I've heard it on the radio, I've seen it on Facebook, there are countless articles and blogs about it.

Just a bit of difference there. Photo Credit

So, when my mom (hi, mom) taught me to shave my legs, she taught me to shave only below the knee. I think I was like 11 or 12 at the time. I quickly realized I have very light blonde hair on my legs and shaving took more time than I wanted to spend on something when you couldn't really tell the difference. Even now, some 20+ years later, you can't really see my leg hair when I get lazy and don't shave. It's more obvious now than it was when I was younger since I spend less time in the sun so it's not quite as light.

Then life happened. I must have been about 16 at the time. My high-school boyfriend and I were discussing leg shaving. My point was, "No one can see it, why should I spend the time?" We weren't very ... physical yet, so it wasn't really a big thing (what part of late bloomer didn't you pick up on?). One of our other friends overheard our conversation and chimed in with, "Oh, I always thought girls shaved their legs because it felt nicer when guys were running their hands up them." Wait. What? This is what I get for being friends with football players.

But, I actually think this sums up the whole discussion quite nicely. In general, the hair above the knee is much lighter than the hair below the knee. So, girls who shave only below the knee are shaving for appearances. They shave so people don't see their leg hair. While girls who shave their entire legs, generally shave for the feel. They shave so people don't feel their leg hair.

I guess it's a preference for if you care about how people see you or how people feel you ... up.

The RN: I'm Engaged!

I met the most fantastic guy and we've had a fast and hot romance. Last night he asked me to marry him and I said yes!

What a pretty ring. Photo Credit

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HAHAHAHA! Did you really fall for that?!?

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The RN: Compliments?

Somewhat recently I had someone tell me essentially he didn't really like spending time with me, but he really wanted to fuck me. First of all, how is this acceptable to say someone? What did it sound like in his head, that he thought he should actually say this outloud to anyone?

Is this actually how we're talking these days?

The truly unfortunate part of this whole thing is I think he truly thought he was paying me a compliment. This whole a woman is only worth her fuckability is really starting to get old.

Maybe I just need to meet and get know more guys who are better people.

The RN: Turning Over a New Leaf

I don't really have anything to say. Well, that's not exactly true I think I've written half of at least 3 more blogs, but none of them are close to being finished. And none of them seems like the right thing to say going into the New Year.

As some of you may recall, I didn't have the best New Year's last year. I am actively working to be happier about New Year's this year. I have worked to spend less time with people who don't respect my boundaries and for the most part it's working. I'm way less stressed than I used to be and in general everything is working out better.

So, for the first time in a while, I have no angry rant today. I know, I know, that's not as entertaining, but it's still healthier for me. I'm turning over a new leaf with 2016. I'm letting go of my anger and not letting things sit there and simmer.

I'll just leave you with this:

Happy 2016!

The RN: Calendar Worthy

So, I was super excited to see this new calendar was coming out. Historically this calendar was full of "hot naked chicks" and had been for decades. Next year the calendar will be full of successful women. Regardless of their size, shape, or age. I was excited to see a long tradition of objectifying women* turning into respecting women. Here's the picture of Amy Schumer:

Pretty awesome in my book.
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Then I ran across some jackhole who just had to turn into something stupid. I don't even want to read the original article, this commentary is enough to make me mad.

I don't understand why men like this think my worth as a woman, as a person, has anything to do with whether my picture makes his dick hard. Or why he thinks I care whether my picture makes his dick hard.

*Yes, reducing women to sex objects for viewing pleasure (by either men or women) is objectifying them. No, that doesn't mean I'm against pin up calendars or porn.