I've been doing a lot of thinking about why I haven't wanted to date lately. Besides just me inevitably talking to jerks. After a bit of thought, I've come to the conclusion that I'm burying my head in the sand. Somewhat ironically, I realized this while reading about personal finance (my latest nerd hobby). I was reading and came across a line about how no matter how much you try to avoid your finances, it doesn't change how much money you owe or how much you have saved. My reaction was, "Of course, not! Hiding doesn't change reality."
And I then realized, that's what I have been doing, hiding. I've been hiding from dating because I don't want to deal with the reality of it. Upon realizing this, I am now forced to acknowledge I have still have boundary issues. I have totally been working on my boundaries, trying make myself healthier, but I realize I still have some work to do.
I was talking with my therapist last week (yep, still in therapy), and she was asking me about dating and such. She asked, "what do you want? We've talked a lot about what you don't want, but what do you want?" And that, ladies and gentlemen, is starting to scratch the surface of the real problem. I have no idea what I want. I have no idea what a healthy relationship looks like or feels like. I have no idea how to set my boundaries.
|No wonder I have boundary issues. Photo Credit|
Now, some of my frustration is starting to make sense to me. If you don't know where you want the line to be, you don't know where the line is currently, and you don't know what the line looks like, it's really hard to ensure others don't cross the line. But, sticking my head in the sand by avoiding dating isn't going to help me find and define my line. Still not sure this is enough to get me back out there just yet, but it's enough to get me started thinking about it again. The same person who told me I didn't have to offer friendship also told me the best thing to do for myself was to get out there and practice dating and practice telling people no. She's not wrong, but I'm not looking forward to this part ... at all.
|Dang, I was rather enjoying this view. Photo Credit|
Well, they say admitting you have a problem is the first step. Step 1: ✓ Now, I'm going to have to figure out why I've been hiding so I can start working on those issues. No need to worry if my therapist will lose me as client any time soon.