(We don't know where we'll end up ... but we're all starting at single.)

Monday, July 31, 2017

The Rn: Getting a Hard Left

The other week I was at a discussion group put on by the same group which hosts my Regularly Scheduled Tuesday Night Activity (RSTNA) ... What? I'm not dating I need to fill my time somehow. Besides leaving the house is good for you, especially if you interact with people while you're out there.

At the end of the session the moderator takes questions out of a hat, his way of making them anonymous. It's a pretty good discussion group and I usually go every month. The topics vary greatly and the only real rule/consensus is keep things you hear within the group and don't assume because someone said it in discussion you are allowed to talk about it openly. So, here I am maybe about to break that rule. Except, no names or faces, so I think I'm okay.

The last hat question of the night really pissed me off. Turns out it actually pissed a lot of people off, both at the discussion and and in general from what I heard through the grapevine. The moderator did a great job of addressing the question, but even he seemed pissed this was a question. So, what was the question? Well forgive a bit of paraphrasing as it's been a little while, but ... "If someone gives you a hard left, should you try to contact them to explain?" Now, I'm not a tinder user, I believe I said somewhere in this blog, that I'm probably never going to do online dating again. So it took me a minute to understand that "getting a hard left" meant you have been asked to cease contact.

This is pretty much "NO!"

Now, the moderator did a great job and said something to this effect, "I'm going to go out on a limb here, because almost nothing we talk about here has an actual definitive answer, but this one does. I'm going to say, 'no, you should not violate their consent and try to contact them against their wishes.'" It took me a minute to really get understand and get mad. But, really WTF!?! Someone told you not to talk to them anymore! You are not going to change their mind by pleading your case. In fact, if "they" are me, you are going to make it worse for yourself.

I know, I've ranted about this very thing before. Rather than ranting again, I'll just say: this is so disrespectful. While I was a bit disappointed someone felt the need to ask this question, I was very encouraged by everyone (except, I assume, whoever asked it) in the room very definitively agreeing this was essentially a consent violation and therefore very bad behavior. It's nice to know you're not the only one feeling that way.

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