(We don't know where we'll end up ... but we're all starting at single.)

Monday, January 26, 2015

The RN: I'm Disinclined to Acquiesce

Happy Fucking New Year!

My New Year's Eve might have gotten started off on the wrong foot.

Long story short: my old company is likely paying me a bonus for a patent I helped author while worked there which didn't get awarded until this past summer. The company may have some other employees involved in the process which made what should have taken maybe 3 or 4 years actually take 9 years, almost to the day.

So, of course, Pajama Guy, remember him?, just has to be the one person still at the old company and driving them to pay the rest of us our bonuses. According to him everyone but me has already gotten their bonuses. Somehow my bonus got all messed up making this yet another situation Pajama Guy is now using to force me to talk to him. He has a habit of calling but not leaving voice mails and texting me to call him until I either call him back or answer my phone. And he won't give me all the information unless I actually talk to him on the phone.

This has been going for quite a while now. When he found out the patent had been awarded he called me. Twice. In the middle of my nephew's family birthday dinner. Which I didn't answer because I was in the middle of fucking family birthday dinner and that shit is rude! Then he started texting me to call ASAP. So I looked at my sister and nephew and excused myself to go call him. Because I knew the patent was hanging out there and there might actually be something I need to do before some government deadline to help us get the patent. Nope, nothing time sensitive, nothing I actually had to do, just him forcing me to call him.

Really not amused by the forced phone calls.

I get it. It's exciting; we had just won a patent. But maybe that doesn't require me to talk to you this instant. Maybe you could have just sent me an email or text actually fucking telling me what is going on instead of forcing me to call you. Maybe I wasn't answering my phone because I was fucking doing something important. In fact, I consider my nephew's family birthday dinner more important than having a patent awarded. So I stepped aside and called him. When he answered I stated, "You have 30 seconds. I am at my nephew's birthday dinner." Aka, I have a fucking life that actually doesn't involve catering to your every fucking whim.

Here's the thing - he's not entitled to my time. He doesn't get to choose if and when I talk to him. Okay, so maybe I'm still working on this part. But he's trying to control it. Just the other week he was playing the "call but don't leave voice mail" game. I finally answered because I was near my phone (usually not a given during the work day) and I was sick of playing his games. I was tired. I was at work. I really didn't want to talk him at all, but possible bonus check. So I was less than enthusiastic when I answered the phone. This, apparently, wasn't good enough for him. The first thing he said was, "What's wrong?" What's wrong?!? You're calling in the middle of the fucking work day when you know I'm not near my phone and expecting me to be ... what? Happy? Did he really think I was going to answer the phone with "Hey, Pajama Guy, I haven't been happy to hear from you for years now, but I changed my mind. Let's fuck tonight!" Not fucking likely! My response was, "I'm at work. What do you want?" Then he asked if I wanted him to call back later in the day. NO!

All of it! All of the NO!

I don't want you to be calling right now. I definitely don't want to talk to you more than once in a day. Just ask or tell me whatever the hell you think you need to say so I can get off the damn phone and get back to work. Ain't nobody got time for this. It turned out he might have partially figured out what the hold up with the bonus was and could I possibly send him some documentation to help clear up the issue the company was having. Sure, some info I don't particularly mind sharing for the chance at a bonus check? Yep, that's fine. What is not fine is that you already fucking sent email about this 5 minutes before you started calling me. Ask for the documentation in the god damn email you sent me! Seriously, STOP FORCING ME TO TALK TO YOU ON THE PHONE!!!!

Oh, right, New Year's Eve, that's what I was talking about. So on New Year's Eve Pajama Guy sent me a text, well 3 actually. And it set me off. By that I mean, I lost it. Big time. I almost hung up on my sister. I sort of tried to hang up on my mom, but I was too upset to hit the button on my phone. She was trying to be helpful, but I wasn't ready to hear solutions just yet. I was crying and screaming and raging for over two hours. I lost my voice. My face was puffy and swollen for days. My sinuses got so swollen I got a sinus infection. I had no idea how to respond. I actually waited two days until I was seeing my therapist so my therapist could help me write a response. Here's what set me off.

Oh look, now he's trying to force me to talk to The Ex.

Now this might not seem that bad. Sometimes I think I over reacted, although my therapist tells me my anger is healthy. Here's the thing though. I don't want to talk to The Ex. I haven't talked to The Ex since I finally got off the title of his house in September. I also don't want anyone else to talk to The Ex on my behalf (that's almost as bad as me talking to The Ex). I also don't want Pajama Guy to know I'm not talking to The Ex. It's not his God Damn business if I'm not talking to The Ex. Pajama Guy and I aren't friends. We were friends, but he fucked that up, by, you know, sending me silk pajamas in the mail. It was totally inappropriate. I was upset when I saw a package from him. I was even more upset when it seemed like there was clothes in the package. Clothes that didn't seem like a T-shirt or something (not that I would have been happy about a T-shirt) since it crinkled like it was wrapped in plastic. I was horrified and nauseous when I actually opened the package. I did the only thing I could think of at the time. I sent them back to him. At his house. With a note saying it was totally inappropriate for him to have sent them to me.

He apologized. I mostly accepted the apology, but didn't really talk to him for a few years. Then I gave him another chance (remember how I'm too nice to guys?) and he fucked that up too. We went to dinner. We were talking and the place was closing. So we went across the street to a bar to keep talking (we hadn't talked in years we had stuff to catch up on). He touched me. NO! Not in a gross way, but in a I-have-the-right-to-touch-you way. NO! He put his hand on the small of my back and lead me, like we were on a date. NO! We are not on a date. NO! You are not allowed to assume that level of comfort with me. NO! You will not be given another chance. Oh, wait, I still sort have to talk to you since we have a patent application outstanding. Fuck!

I would be uncomfortable with any current or former coworker touching in me in such a manner. That is a level of intimacy I am not comfortable extending to my coworkers. At the time I ignored it and tried to create more physical space between us. It worked for the most that night. But I have been uncomfortable about him ever since. And I realized I don't really want to have anything to do with any more. But again, here is another man in my life using money to control me. (In case you missed it, that was one of The Ex's favorite things to do.)

So then last week, I get another package in the mail from Pajama Guy. Fortunately it's was too small to silk pajamas, but I was still really uncomfortable and nervous. It was a nerdy girl lego. And I'm really annoyed that I actually, really like it. I like it a little less since Pajama Guy sent me a text with a lego guy and a cup of lego coffee a few days ago. He is using this whole bonus check thing to try to entice me into a friendly conversation. I am currently refusing to respond to anything not directly related to the bonus or the patent. He doesn't seem to be catching the clue, but if this alleged bonus check ever arrives and I stop talking to him he should hopefully notice then.

In the meantime, I am disinclined to acquiesce to any attempts to control my behavior.

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